Style D – dominant
Ewelina is the owner of a thriving training company. The fact that the company is doing so well is, above all, thanks to her. She operates dynamically and is goal-oriented. She works hard, negotiates toughly, and demands a great deal of herself and of others. She believes that people are lazy, idle and rather unconscientious by nature, and therefore need to be firmly disciplined – and this applies both to the company’s employees and to the participants of the training courses she organises. Ewelina always placed particular emphasis on discipline in the case of EU-funded training courses, of which her company ran quite a few. A participant dropping out in the middle of such a course carried the risk of failing to reach the indicators set out in the project and, as a result, having to return the grant. Ewelina could not allow that to happen. Her company generated significant turnover and income by running EU projects, so she could not risk a situation in which, as a result of a failure to account for a grant, faulty accounting or the need to return it, she would be excluded from applying for the next one. She had just received funding for an innovative coaching training programme ending in an international certification – a very prestigious project.
Style S – steady
Grzegorz is a calm guy. A psychologist and therapist by training, he works at a district family support centre. Very responsible, careful with his words, not throwing them around lightly, taking all his commitments seriously. Conscientious and reliable. Among other things, he worked with families experiencing domestic violence. He ran therapy for perpetrators of violence. He had seen a lot in his life. The work was hard and poorly paid. To let off steam, in his free time he played in a rock band. The band never made any particular career for itself – it was simply a way to break away from the everyday life of people working in professions where burnout comes easily. Besides Grzegorz, the band included: Piotr, a police officer; Krystian, a nurse at a social care home; and Michał, a history teacher at one of the worst secondary schools in town. The group met regularly twice a week for rehearsals, occasionally playing a gig at the weekend.
When Grzegorz heard about the EU-funded coaching course ending in an international certification, he was thrilled. He had already read a lot about coaching. He saw obtaining the certification as a chance to change jobs and improve his financial situation. Around the same time, the band he played in got a manager. At their last concert, a representative of a record label showed up and offered to finance 50% of the recording of their first demo album. The band was to cover the remaining 50% themselves. It was a tempting offer, and the amateur musicians accepted it. They gathered the missing funds and booked a recording studio. Each of the musicians also submitted a request for leave from work well in advance, to cover the recording period. At the same time, Grzegorz was applying to take part in the project. There were a great many applicants – three people per place – but Grzegorz sailed through all the tests and interviews and was accepted onto the project. At the first, organisational meeting, alongside the coaches leading the sessions, Ewelina appeared. She spoke to the project participants at length, emphasising its uniqueness, its exclusivity and the conditions of participation.
We require one-hundred-per-cent attendance at the sessions! – Ewelina thundered. – If anyone misses even a single hour of training, they will be thrown off the project and will have to repay the cost of the training, which is eight thousand złoty! So if there are people in this room who already know that they won’t be able to attend every session, they had better withdraw right now and make room for people on the reserve list who will be more available!
Hearing this, Grzegorz stood up and left. After all, he would be recording an album with his band, and it was quite possible that the recording dates would clash with the project sessions. So he couldn’t guarantee one-hundred-per-cent attendance. He wouldn’t block a place for someone who could attend every session. It would be better for everyone, then, if he withdrew right now.
Of course, Ewelina was exaggerating. To complete the course, a participant only needed 80% attendance. But Ewelina believed it was better – as in negotiations – to start „from the top shelf”: firmly and toughly, to say ruthlessly that there were no exceptions, no margin and no leniency for anyone. Otherwise people wouldn’t be disciplined and motivated, and in any case probably no one would have 100% attendance. So, for their own good and hers, she would scare these future coaches a little. Ewelina is a person with a „D” style.
Grzegorz, on the other hand, as a classic representative of the „S” style, does not use hyperbole in his communication – that is, exaggeration and emphasis. Grzegorz does not assume that other people, especially professionals, might exaggerate in such a serious situation. He took Ewelina’s words with complete seriousness and belief. He filtered them through his value system, according to which, since it was highly likely that he wouldn’t be able to meet the 100% attendance requirement, he would not stress about it or expose others to disappointment through his conduct – he would withdraw at once.
Because of a lack of understanding of how different styles function, Ewelina and the coaching federation lost a potentially very good coach, and Grzegorz lost the chance to improve his qualifications and land a new, better job.